Uncle Arthur Pauline Collins Upstairs Downstairs
Pauline Caullins mesmerizing stage exhibition of WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH UNCLE ARTHUR? Music: Alexander Faris, Lyrics: Alfred Shaughnessy. From. Upstairds, Downstairs TV-show Season 1, Episode 13 "For Love of Love". Edited by Jon Ber, with gratitude to http://www.updown.org.uk/sounds/lyric...
Pauline Collins, who played Sarah, also released the song on a Decca single in 1973.
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A blinking stallion, is Uncle Arthur.
When he goes a-strolling in the park,
Watch your step, girls, especially after dark.
Any old skirt's a flirt to Uncle Arthur,
He's over eighty, but how he can run!
'Give us a kiss, my dear,' he'd say,
And tickle you up the boom-di-ay,
And say it was just an 'armless bit of fun.1
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
Have him doctored like a tom-cat?
You'd have thought by now he'd has his fill,
But my aunt can't bloody well keep him still,
Saturday night'll find him at the boozer,
A couple of pints there, then off he will pop,2
Straighten his hat and up the street,
As light as a feather on his feet,3
A dirty old man who don't know when to stop.
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A public nuisance, is Uncle Arthur.
Though he's bald, deaf, dirty and decayed,
He's the uncrowned king of the esplanade.
Nothing on Earth can seem to damp his ardour,
He's trying harder, the older he grows.
One of these days he'll have to die,
What will he get up to in the sky?
Well Heaven and Uncle Arthur only,
You can be sure he won't be lonely,
Heaven and Uncle Arthur only knows.
1For this line, some versions substitute these lines instead:
And say it was just an 'armless bit,
A nice bruise on you, where you sit,
A 'Let me go, Uncle Arthur' kind of fun.
2For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
Having a quick one, then off he will pop,
3For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
An eighty-year-old who's indiscreet,
Pauline Collins, who played Sarah, also released the song on a Decca single in 1973.
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A blinking stallion, is Uncle Arthur.
When he goes a-strolling in the park,
Watch your step, girls, especially after dark.
Any old skirt's a flirt to Uncle Arthur,
He's over eighty, but how he can run!
'Give us a kiss, my dear,' he'd say,
And tickle you up the boom-di-ay,
And say it was just an 'armless bit of fun.1
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
Have him doctored like a tom-cat?
You'd have thought by now he'd has his fill,
But my aunt can't bloody well keep him still,
Saturday night'll find him at the boozer,
A couple of pints there, then off he will pop,2
Straighten his hat and up the street,
As light as a feather on his feet,3
A dirty old man who don't know when to stop.
What are we going to do with Uncle Arthur?
A public nuisance, is Uncle Arthur.
Though he's bald, deaf, dirty and decayed,
He's the uncrowned king of the esplanade.
Nothing on Earth can seem to damp his ardour,
He's trying harder, the older he grows.
One of these days he'll have to die,
What will he get up to in the sky?
Well Heaven and Uncle Arthur only,
You can be sure he won't be lonely,
Heaven and Uncle Arthur only knows.
1For this line, some versions substitute these lines instead:
And say it was just an 'armless bit,
A nice bruise on you, where you sit,
A 'Let me go, Uncle Arthur' kind of fun.
2For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
Having a quick one, then off he will pop,
3For this line, some versions substitute this line instead:
An eighty-year-old who's indiscreet,
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